Superman and the Female Leaguers
by TakemyKryptonite
Summary: Superman invites all the women of the Justice League to an innocent meeting.


"Hey Zee!" Shayera called out as she entered the conference room.

"Shayera!" Zatanna jumped up alarmingly quickly from her seat. "I've been dying to tell you about this guy that I've been cru..." She caught herself in time at Shayera's warning gesture, and turned around to where Wally stood behind her, hanging on to her every word.

"Go on, Zee! This guy you've been what?" he looked at her eagerly.

"Wally! I was just talking about you," Zee offered, acting coy. She innocently draped an arm over his shoulders, pulling him close.

Shayera watched with a crooked eyebrow as the young magician whispered into Wally's cowl covered ear. _How does he hear through the latex anyway?_ The Thanagarian smiled as she saw the smile freeze on the speedster's face, only to be replaced by a look of pained horror.

Wally backed away from Zatanna slowly, with his hands held up placatingly in front of him, and promptly stumbled over the chair behind him. "I uh... I just remembered that I... um... Batman! Yeah! He needed me! Have a good day ladies!" He vanished with that last titbit, leaving behind a cloud of red tinted static discharge in his wake.

Shayera grinned and sat down next to the young magician, "What didja you tell the poor kid?"

"Poor kid? He's a horndog! You should have seen the look on his face when he found out that Karen and Diana were sparring. Ughh." Zee shuddered.

Shayera nodded sagely, "He desperately needs to get some action. But tell me, what did you tell him just now?"

"I _miiight_ have mentioned something about a couple of jewels and crushing them to dust the next time someone eavesdropped on me," Zee admitted with a shrug. "I also told him that I'd get you to stick your mace up where the sun don't shine."

Shayera looked at her, confused. "Stick my mace up where... Oh. Oh!" she broke out laughing. "That's _swag_ , Zee! _Swag_ I tell you!"

Zatanna looked at her, slightly put off, "Swag? Let me guess, J'onn gave you the whole fitting in with the Earth population speech, didn't he?"

Shayera nodded, "The Earth people have wonderful languages! Kara's been helping me out. She pointed me to this wonderful resource called the urban dictionary. You'll never guess what the Canadian Porch Swing means!" Shayera giggled.

Zee shrugged non-commitally, "Oh I know exactly what it is." She quickly changed topics, looking at Shayera's thinly veiled expression of disbelief and disgust. SHe cleared her threat, not meeting Shayera's eyes, "So, urban dictionary huh? I'll be having a talk with Supergirl very soon."

The conference room began to fill as more members filed in, and they began chatting, waiting for the Chairman of the League.

Diana, known to an adoring public as the Wonder Woman, took her usual seat at the head of the table. She wondered why Kal had called them in today. It was more confusing so seeing that he'd specifically requested only the female Leaguers to attend. She'd asked him earlier today but he'd behaved quite shiftily, not meeting her eyes, saying she'd understand when the time came. She turned to Batgirl who occupied the seat on her left, "Barbara Gordon, do you know the purpose behind the scheduling of this current meeting? If so, would you mind sharing the reason with me?"

Barbara blinked, slightly thrown off track at being addressed in such a formal manner. _Geez, even Bruce is better than her at small talk._ "I'm not quite sure, Diana."

"Maybe he wants to do all the ladies in here at the same time," Zee offered helpfully. "You know, _hardcore_ stuff. He has the super stamina and everything. And then at the end, we have this room full of writhing hot women who are eating each oth..."

Diana cut in urgently, her face was now a bright red. "That's preposterous, Zatanna Zatara. Kal would never do that," she stated emphatically.

"You never even let me get to the part we have a buk...," Zatanna was once again cut off, this time by Power Girl, who was following the conversation intently.

"I agree with Diana for once on this Zee, Kal would never do something like that," she shook her head to state her point, her shoulder length blonde hair waving from side to side.

"Although," she added as a helpful afterthought, "he definitely does have the super stamina. I mean, we would stay up for many _many_ days _and_ nights and we would make hot, passio..."

She stopped abruptly as she heard the high pitched squeal of metal under extremely high stress and saw that Diana was clutching the metallic table in a vice grip. Her eyes were shooting daggers at Karen, who was suddenly thankful that the Greek Gods hadn't included heat vision as part of the clay to life deal.

"Well, _Karen_ ," Diana bit out, "I'm sorry that your courtship with Kal didn't work out, then."

The League women, who'd all taken their seats around the table by now, watched silently, completely engrossed in the spectacle that was unfolding in front of their very eyes. "Oooh, _swag_ burn, Diana!" Shayera exclaimed. Zee elbowed her.

"That's okay, Diana. I mean, when he wants to settle down and have children, I'm sure he'll be looking for an equal partner," Karen smiled teasingly. "A Kryptonian. Specifically, one capable of carrying a Kryptonian child."

Diana growled, low in her throat. Karen had hit on a sensitive issue for her and Kal's relationship. Kryptonian DNA was simply not compatible with the DNA of any other species. She crouched in a battle stance and one of her hands flew to her sword and the other to her lasso, "That's it, you arrogant little bi..."

* * *

The sight that greeted Kal-El of Krypton as he entered the space station's conference hall left him speechless. His Diana was in one corner of the room, in a battle ready pose with her sword drawn and twirling the lasso around her head like a cowboy at a rodeo. Clark almost expected her to shout "Yeeee-Haaww!" and slap her thighs. _Her thighs did look better last night, though, wrapped around my... Focus Clark!_

He looked for her opponent who stood on the opposite side of the room, hands proudly placed on each hip in a classic superhero pose, her chest jutting out. _Her chest does come quite far out, like Soft, warm, large melo... Is that a window? Karen!_

Clark's eyes widened, _Oh no_ "Now, ladies, I'm sure there's a way we can resolve whatever this is without a physical confrontation." He stepped forward, hoping to head off the fight, but Diana let her lasso fly at the same time, and it snared him around the waist.

Karen grinned slyly seeing the lasso of truth around Clark, and took her opportunity, "Clarkbar? Who is the most skilful lover you've had? Sour little Diana over there or _Power Girl_?" she seductively drew out her sentence, holding Clark's eyes.

From her seat at a perfect viewing spot, Zatanna looked at Karen with pitying eyes. _I need to teach her how to be seductive. The poor thing looks constipated._

Clark shook his head in terror, shaking his head as he tried to fight the magic of Hestia burning him, forcing him to tell the truth. He looked at Diana pleadingly, but she seemed to be just as interested in his answer and made no move to remove the lasso. The room waited in tense silence as they watched Superman battle the truth helplessly, his lips tightly pursed together. Seconds ticked by, seeming like hours, until finally Clark could fight the magic no longer.

"IT WAS LASHINA!" he shouted. And immediately went quiet. _Turd sandwich._

The smug smile on Karen's face froze, and it turned into a chilling one as she stared at Clark, not understanding his reply.

Diana fared no better, and simply stared at him.

"Lashina. The fury?" she asked in a tone that sent shivers down Clark's spine.

Clark was forced to nod by the lasso. _Saturn's salty rear._

"Lashina. Darkseid's evil fury?" Karen asked, thinking maybe she'd misheard him.

Clark once again nodded. _Neptune's sweet balls._

"So, Kal, the evil woman that brainwashed you and used your body for her pleasure was better in bed than the two of us? Two of the most powerful women in the universe, two women who loved you?" Diana asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

Zatanna rose from her spot, taking pity on the poor, trapped man. She was rather fond of Superman and had developed a rather intense crush on him, following a torrid affair with him when he'd been in between relationships with Karen and Diana, a few rather memorable weeks that had involved a lot of red kryptonite and naughty magic. She was also growing slightly jealous, hearing of the women he'd slept with.

She pulled the lasso off him, and gave him a hug. "It's okay, Clark. I understand. I mean, I'm disappointed that it wasn't me, but I understand," she smiled warmly at him. At least until Karen exploded behind her.

"You slept with Zee?!" she exclaimed. "Zee?!"

"Hey!" Zee turned to look at Karen, feeling insulted at her disbelief.

"Sorry Zee, you're really hot and you've featured in a lot of my fantasies. It's just... I just can't believe that Clark has slept with so many women!" Karen glared at Clark, who'd by now relapsed into a state of zen to maintain his sanity, his agenda for the meeting was now pointless.

"Just how many women have you bedded Kal," Diana asked, her voice still measured and controlled. She heard throats being cleared and hands around the room slowly went up until every woman in the room had a hand raised.

Dinah Lance whispered to Shayera, who sat next to her, "You know, if I wasn't so insulted, I'd be impressed."

"Kara? Put your hand down, I asked for the women he's bedded. You're his cousin," Diana stated.

Kara blushed to the roots of her long blonde hair, "Oh. Uh... On Krypton, there's no taboo between cousins, our genomes are significantly more advanced and there won't be any compl..."

 _Thud_

 _Smack_

Two punches landed squarely on each side of Kal's head and he slumped back, instantly unconscious. Karen and Diana looked at each other and sized the other up. They shook hands over a job well done. "Foursome?" Zee interjected, with a hint of hope in her voice. "I mean, there're no secrets between us anymore."

Diana just looked at her with a deadpan stare, "I like you Zatanna Zatara, but if you touch my man again, I shall crush the life out of you with my breasts. They are quite large as you can see." she said in all seriousness.

"I'll take that as a no then," she replied nervously and hightailed it to her seat. "I'm a generous person," she confided in Shayera, "I let Diana have him."

"Sure, Zee, sure. Whatever you say," Shayera placated her.

"Oh my god!" Wonder Girl suddenly exclaimed. "If he's slept with all the League women, just imagine the number of human women he's taken to his bed!"

"Or the alien ones!" Mera exclaimed.

"Oh, we never did it in the bed," Shayera felt the need to clarify. "We only did it in the air, my wings wrapped arou..." She paused at Diana's glare, "Ixnay the unnecessary nformationiay, got it." She mimed zipping her lips and dropping the key down her pants.

Kara suddenly giggled at Shayera, "I'm pretty sure Clark's gonna find that key."

Everyone giggled at that, relishing in the release of tension. Only Diana stood there with a frown on her face. "Is it her whips?" she asked suddenly,

"What?" Karen looked at her, confused.

"Lashina. Is it her whips that make her that good?"

Karen simply grinned, "It's up to you to find out, princess."

"Although," Power Girl added, "I wouldn't be averse to joining you two from time to time if you wish."

"Neither would I!" a chorus of voices piped in from around the room and Diana held her head, she felt the beginnings of a headache.

 _I am going to kill you, Kal. Then fish you out of Elysium and kill you again._


End file.
